Husband Material—Now With Links That Actually Work

Three weeks without a post—I am a disgrace to the title of Bloggist and will atone for my slovenliness over the next few days. I don't want to get you too excited, but I'll say this: expect monsters.

In the mean time, gel your hair, grab your posse, and join me in exploring the wonderful things that Japanese host clubs put on Youtube.

Most of y'all are probably familiar with the concept of a host club, and the rest of you have Google, but I'm going to throw a you a link anyway because I'm a nice person. Click here and learn you something. Then meet my new friend Kyosuke:

I was going to translate his self-introduction, but you don't need a degree in Japanese to appreciate a lisping, possibly cross-eyed man with a sculpture on his head, posing pensively on lawn furniture. You don't need words to know you've found The One.

Not your type? I understand, Madam. Here at Hal's Half-price Hookers, we know a woman's wants, her most secret desires. We know that you need chocolate, potpourri, romance, horse tranquilizers. We know that sometimes you need to "get wild" and "go out with the girls" and "pay hundred of dollars to speak with a man who takes five hours to remove his shirt."

Yes, that's right—for the low, low price of 12 bucks an hour, this man will pretend to like you.

I see you're still undecided. Will you dance to the music of the great god Pan as he plays upon the pipes of your heart, or will you sit alone in your sad little corner, cowering in fear of the passion that roars in your heart like a drum? Perhaps this finely-crafted music video will help you make up your mind. It is best appreciated in the privacy of your boudoir, surrounded by the soft and sensuous glow of scented candles.